We all went to the airport to send off Ryan and Nora to a vacation in Argentina. While a fun reason to have to say “Goodbye” it was really emotionally hard. Nora was crying. Ruthie was giving Ryan the biggest and best strongest hug. Nora hugged a sleeping Mabel “Goodbye” in her car seat. Then I was hugging Nora and telling her she was going to have a great time. Ryan and I hugged and kissed Goodbye as well. …Then they walked into the terminal and we drove off.
Within minutes it was clear that Ruthie already missed them – asking me if they were on the plane yet then crafting hearts in art specifically for both of them then later watching the flighttracker online to see where their plane was then asking me to sleep with her in her bed.
Since Mabel had slept thru the Goodbyes she woke up and said, “Where Daddy, Nora?”. I told her they were at the airport and she slept thru them leaving. She isn’t yet 3 so she seemed unphased by this information, but later at night she starting making paper airplanes (well, crumpling paper and calling it an airplane). I’m pretty sure she’s gonna wake up today and ask me where they are again.
Right before we got out of the car Ryan told me how much he loved me and that while he may give me a hard time for buying bags for the trip and helping them pack he does appreciate it (though he also said he’ll probably continue to give me a hard time for it, but that he also loves me for it). Right before his connecting flight out of JFK took off he texted, “Welp. We’re soon to take off. Once again, love you beyond words.” Now Ryan isn’t typically one to express love via text so this amount of emotion was surprising and heartwarming! …And I wrote back something heartfelt but lame (in terms of creatively expressing the sentiment) like “I love you, too” and also that home was already feeling weird without them.
Nora had already texted “I miss you. -Nora” from Ryan’s phone – and typically I can tell if she’s texting me or if Ryan is given the sentimentality, but in this instance it was helpful for her to tack her name on to the end there.
Anyways… As I was home tidying up and rounding out our day it was starting to get weird without them home. It’s been just a few hours but I was already feeling that homesickness tugging you get and I was the one at home!!
So it had me thinking about Goodbyes and how hard they are emotionally. But how they are also good.
Because in those Goodbye moments and the homesickish-feeling ones it really puts your priorities in perspective. It snaps you out of perhaps the hum-drum approach you’ve had to your day-to-day life with your family; where the same-old same-old whirlwind days and comfort of having them there you don’t realize you are taking for granted.
Being with the people you love is so natural and a given that you may lose the proper appreciation for what you have. But in a moment of “Goodbye” where the world shifts from ‘normal’ to ‘different’ your mind and heart race and start screaming, “Hey hey hey! No no no! You don’t like this. This is too hard. This is different and difficult and bad. This isn’t what you’re supposed to do to your heart – you’re not allowed to tug it in multiple directions. No! Your heart is to be with you, not out there exploring the world.” …or something to that effect if your homesickness could speak words beyond just being a feeling of your heart sinking into your stomach and then you throw up.
It is helpful, though, these types of Goodbyes – at least in a way. Because while hard they are a Good Hard. They really do allow you to toss the minutia of life away and allow you to see areas where perhaps you weren’t loving in the fullest way you could love someone.
Like, does it annoy me that Nora leaves all her belongings on the entry way floor every day? Yes! Every day! Do I express my frustration about it in unkind ways? Almost daily. But when I got home and I picked up her stuff from the floor and put it in her room, this time I was grateful. I have a beautiful daughter who spreads her beautiful love and joy everywhere just like she spreads her belongings on the floor. Any other day this stuff would annoy the heck out of me. But on this day, the day where I had to say Goodbye to her (even if it’s just for a week), I didn’t mind it. I scooped up the bits of her day-to-day life and dropped them into her room – and for once I did it with a peace in my heart, a longing in my soul, and a better realization of how my life with my family is such a gift.
Gosh, Goodbyes, huh? They really take their toll.
But I am so blessed that even though we went thru these Goodbyes we get to know that it’s just temporary – that we’ll greet each other with a “Welcome Home” again (God willing; I’m praying for their trip and flights constantly!!). ….wow, is this a microcosm of what it’ll be like to die (Goodbye) and go to Heaven (Welcome Home)?… but perhaps I’ll leave that reflection and ponderings to a time where my heart and soul can withstand something greater than being separated by a simple vacation.
Give God Your Yes 