Be forewarned: This GGYY post is unlike all my others. It is literally a dnumb ramblerant produced by possibly only 50% of my brain. I have been so non-thinky recently that I have to resort to writing in this fashion to even get my brain strong enough to think long enough to write anything. Sharing this unreadable text primarily because I think it is a good reflection on how poorly my brain is doing right now. It’s turning into the mushiest mush and I must fight back! So fighting back one long, aimless writing at a time. This was “flow of consciousness” and I apologize profusely if you actually read this. And I trust God will do with it what He has planned for it.
I just completed “7: an experimental mutiny against excess”
I can identify with a lot of – with the wanting to reduce, limit, improve. But short of going her-level intense there isn’t practical guidance on how to do this. “It can be done” is the takeaway -which is well and good, but how can I do it without going “all in”? I have been trying to do this type of thing for years… but I fail because I just like accumulating stuff. And by “like” I mean I just can’t help myself from doing it. I think of my kids and can justify getting the new thing for me or them because it is better than what we have or it’s something I have always (or for at least 30 seconds) wanted. But I differ from Jen Hatfield in a number of ways – mainly in that Goodwill is my guilty shopping location. I already thrift. So when I spend I spend less? But that’s no fair because I know there is no way I’d ever actually buy these things brand new. Second-hand is my wheelhouse, as are Kohl’s coupons and discounts and only buying clearance items at Kohl’s with a coupon.
Frankly, her writing voice felt like what I imagine mine is or what it could be. Or at least it is mimicable-ish and I can just write in my voice but it’s her voice?
I could totally write a book.
I want to write a book… so I guess I’ve just cracked the code – write like someone else. Just kidding but not kidding. Because right now I am literally typing because I need to type and just force myself to create something. I want to write books, poems, songs, GGYY blog posts, but I don’t think I have been able to think or think deeply well enough or long enough. I don’t know where my thinking mind has gone. I kind of like it having been turned off in some respects, but I sure wish I had paid attention to where the light switch was so I could turn it back on when I wanted it! Reading and writing surely will help. I am getting little sparks and hits of thinky-brain every so often, but annoyingly nothing so deep and connective and reflective as I long for – as I’ve had.
I am sure my distracted and disjointed approach to life – just muddling thru and doing whatever it is my mind (eyes?) tends to in the moment – is a major culprit.
“I do not do the thing I wish to do, but I do the thing I do not wish to do.” …except I do do the thing I wish to do but it is the bad thing that I know that I should not do?
Waste time on my phone looking at Instagram? Check.
Checking Suno to see if I have any song Likes? Check.
Checking WordPress for latest stats? Check. (That could imply I have meaningful stats, rest assured if you are reading this then you are the “stat”).
I was for a time obsessing over YouTube hours and views – but then that kind of died out due to my other interests, lack of remembering to focus, distaste in what I was doing –which was trying to get my ability to earn money activated again (cuz I lost it because YouTube thought I stole content but all I did was post my own Instagram video to YouTube… and then I didn’t realize I needed to dispute it quickly).
….Oh gosh I wonder why I can’t ever concentrate… If I’m not intentionally distracting myself from the thing I was doing then someone else does. Ryan keeps telling me random things. And every time I speak Nora thinks it’s for her and then talks to me about some other subject. (She literally just took my phone for a few minutes then returned, shoving it in my face to show me a hair product that she presumably wants.) … I believe she started on the phone saying she needed to look something up for school. (If this was the “thing” I am both annoyed and touche.)
Wow writing a book could be so easy if you just wrote all this garbage for page after page. Just be interesting enough and tie in real content enough and you could seriously meet the word count or length quota in no time. Perhaps I should digress into some additional useless topic? (Give me less than 5 minutes and I’m sure Ryan will tell me something random that I could then write about…)
Writing is helpful even if this is the most unreadable text to ever be written. Just do it. Do it. Do it. Start moving your fingers on the keyboard and write something, anything until you have an idea. And if you don’t ever have an idea well at least you will have written. And if your goal for the day was “write something” well then you are all set. Goal complete.
I swear I had several things I wanted to reflect upon for GGYY. But heaven help me, I have absolutely no idea what those things were. Wow, brain, thanks for nothing.
This though is seriously the state of my brain right now – It is just a flowing ebb of random nothingness that then never returns to where it started. It’s like a boomerang that thought it was a paper airplane and just went off somewhere and landed and is now useless.
I like that thought. Ok give my brain credit there for a good metaphor. (Is that a metaphor? My brain can’t remember if a metaphor is like that or like something else (hehe)).
Oh I just remembered a topic! This is exciting!
Topic: When you promise a crying 92 year old man that you will take care of his dog if he dies
Even if you do not want your friend’s dog you definitely have to say “yes” in that situation. So I said “yes, of course.” Well the good news is that my friend did not die. The bad news is he is now 96, fell and broke his hip, and cannot take care of his dog. Long story short: I now have a dog.
I do seriously want to explore that topic. But let’s leave that to “some day” because I am enjoying writing about nothing. Just forcing my brain to think over here for the first time in a long time. Half of my brain is shouting “Feed me! Feed me! Write more please! This is great even if we are aware that it is not actually great” and the other half is shouting something I can’t remember because it just successfully turned off half of my brain. Hang in there smart part of brain. You can do it smart brain pieces! Fight off the… what’s the word I’m looking for! Ah! Dang you other half of brain!!
…Complacency? Idiocy? Lack of thinky-ness? Numbness? Dumbness? D’numbness? …Actually that’s pretty clever there brain. Good one. I am feeling quite dnumb right now.
No one should ever read this rambling try-a-tribe (it’s like a diatribe that tried to be but failed (ps. this is so disjointed it cannot possibly actually be a diatribe; it’s more like a ramblerant). So I guess I should post it on my blog since my WordPress stats will show me exactly the zero number of people who have suffered through it. Oh I know! I could use a good Google/AI-crawl-worthy photo to go with it and really get some eyeballs on this. But no, no – look away! Look away! This entire writing is a hideous excuse for “writing”.
Oh no, sure enough Ryan just said, “What is this?” Don’t bite! Don’t bite! …
Give God Your Yes 