During the last week I have not done a good job with prayer time. That is, I kind of keep forgetting to pray? I’ve said a few prayers here and there (like since Nora knows she can get me to stay with her as she falls asleep if she asks me to pray with her). And it’s not that I wouldn’t want to. But it is that I am failing to make the time to enter into good, deep, meaningful prayer.
As I walked to mass yesterday I was thinking about how I haven’t had any “insightful thoughts” about God, religion, life, etc during the past week. But then I realized: “Well, have you even been trying to listen?”
The answer was: No. So then that makes sense, right?
There were a few times I sat down and wanted to get some great thought to reflect on and write about — but that was me structuring God into the small amount of time I cut out for Him. But God doesn’t work like that (though of couse He can work like that if He wanted to).
Again, I had to re-learn lessons I’ve already been taught: God speaks to me constantly. God guides me constantly. But am I doing a good job of listening? Even when I thought “OK God, I’m available right now. Go!” I doubt I was doing a good job of actually being open to Him. It is so easy to be blind and deaf to God which makes you think He isn’t there. But God wishes to open our eyes and open our ears. It is not God who is blind or deaf – it is us. In our eagerness to just go-go-go and in our self-absorbtion our vision grows weak and the sound of our own minds deafens us to the beauty God reveals.
How many times was I blind to what God wanted me to see this past week?
How many times was I deaf to what God wanted me to hear?
I constantly fail to see and listen. But by God’s grace He patiently waits for me to remember and He likes to watch me try. I try and fail, but my trying gives Him pleasure. I like to think that the pleasure He has when I succeed outweighs the disappointment in my failures.
So off to another week of life to see if I remember to listen well to God. I need to enter into good meaningful prayer to make sure I am ready to hear Him at all times, and not just those times I think I am ready for Him to speak. By praying I center myself on Him and I open my heart, mind, eyes and ears to what He is revealing. I want to know what God wants of me! So I better do a better job of listening.