Useful Background Info: In school I only wanted A+s. Until I was 22 I was super shy, socially awkward, and had severe social anxiety. When I was 22+ I became less of those things in general but I’m still all those things to some degree. In school I hated being partnered up with other people on projects given the aforementioned social anxiety, awkwardness, and others’ tendency to not strive for A+s.
Two Things I want to talk about:
- Sometimes God lets me see things as they are but gives me the grace to be okay with it.
- Sometimes God blinds me to things that should be obvious by giving me the grace of being oblivious so that I do things for Him or so He can do things for me.
These are going to be difficult to explain… But I’ve felt a tug to talk about them and so here is my attempt:
“Seeing Things”: For example, in school when partnered up on projects I knew when people only wanted to be my partner because they knew I would do all the work so that we both could get As. In their perspective they were using me. In my perspective I knew they thought they were using me, but since I was aware of it did it really count as being used? This is something that could be quite easy to get worked up over but instead God kept me calm and had me offer up prayers for them. …That is my main example, just multiply that by as many joint projects you have to work on during grade school, high school, and college.
“Love is Blind”: Only in hindsight do I finally realize something which should have been extremely obvious. It is something that could leave you feeling like an idiot. And for a few things I have felt like an idiot once I finally saw it… but in finally realizing that it is thru God’s grace that I was so blind I do not feel like an idiot at all. Instead I am in awe at seeing just how God can work and how God can use you to do good or to bring you peace. Thru His love He can blind you – and let you remain blind until time passes and you can more clearly see things as they really were or finally process that thing someone told you… If God hadn’t blinded me I could have made different decisions. And where would I/others be? Those are paths I am glad God blinded me to.
For my main “Love is Blind” example I can only offer you one of my favorite Bible verses: Luke 2:19 – “And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart.”
So again I offer up prayers for all those who I saw and for all those people and things that God blinded me to. I thank God for giving me those moments of sight and blindness. I thank God that he trusts me enough to grant me such graces. I thank God that He uses me to build up His kingdom – in times of full awareness and unknowingly.
God you are great. God you are pure love. Thank you for my sight. Thank you for my blindness.