From Black Hole To Cradled Cup

I had the opportunity to describe to someone my struggle with keeping God at the center of my life.

For so long it was like my heart was like a black hole — I’d shove shopping or busyness or thoughtless TV or online shopping and other such things into my heart to try to fill it up. But those things never worked. Instead they went into the black hole and the hole gave me nothing back but the desire to shove more things into it.

But as I worked to center my life on God and make Him the focus it was like my heart became a cup sitting there – and I’d pour in the Lord and it would fill me up. If I poured in more my cup just filled up more. If I emptied it out it didn’t turn back into a hole – instead it just sat waiting for me to refill it – by reading the daily mass readings or by going to daily mass or just being in silence or in prayer. With a cup I felt full and cradled in love and could breathe out in relaxation that “Ah yes. This is what I have been searching for.”

It took me 1,000 times to hear St. Augustine’s quote “My heart is restless until it rests in you.” to… (1) to recognize that indeed my heart was restless, (2) to realize the non-God stuff I was shoving into it did nothing to ease the restlessness, and (3) to finally give more and more of my heart and life over to God. And as I gave God more of myself He let me see that my heart doesn’t have to feel like an endless hole; there is a way to be centered and feel centered. God has shown me that when I rest in Him He turns my heart from a hole to a cup and He cradles me. Holding close to God is like holding a hot cup of tea close to my chest on a cold day or when I am sick – the heat transfers from the cup and warms my heart, the warm vapors fill my lungs and I breathe in pure love.

God loves when I am centered and I come to Him as an empty cup seeking to be filled and cradled.