I arrived early at St. Monica and as I waited for AWAKEN I was in my car, drinking my “medium” strawberry-lemonade and coffee. I felt full and sick to my stomach from all the liquid yet because there was more to drink I kept drinking. I drank too much. My stomach hurt.
And still I felt thirsty.
I went into the perpetual adoration chapel and prayed. And my stomach’s unease did its best to distract me. I started to feel jittery in my heart from all the sugar and caffeine. I knew I needed water. The painful stomach and jitters made me thirst all the more. “I thirst.”
Even after all that I went back out to my car and what did I do? I grabbed the lemonade and more coffee and added to my woes! As I reached I felt like I couldn’t stop myself — because it was there, because there was more, because I was thirsty! But all I did was proceed to seek a quenching thirst with non-water. When I knew that water was the answer!
This is like those times when I felt like my heart was a black hole and all I did was shove more and more distractions and stuff into it while seeking to be filled. Though this time I was very filled and sought additional “fillment”! But it’s all the same — I seek for something. I know the solution. But I ignore the answer that I know will solve my problem and I continue seeking where contentment cannot be found. I go on seeking -and therefore I go on suffering.
I needed water like I need Jesus’ offering of life-giving water. I need nourished in the right ways – thru prayer, thru mass, thru focusing on God. But while I know this I stupidly keep seeking a solution in other places. I turn to the lemonade when I should turn to water. I turn to a distraction when I should turn to Jesus.
Thankfully God has such mercy and love and patiently waits for me to stop reaching elsewhere and to reach for Him. He is ready to quench my thirst, no matter if I’ve mis-quenched it previously. He doesn’t hold back. He pours Himself forth — all I need to do is open my mouth.