I’ve been suffering from a slight cold all week. This matters because I headed off to Adoration and knew I wouldn’t be able to stay for a full hour given my sniffles and coughs. But I didn’t want to not go. I wasn’t sure how long I’d get before I couldn’t hold most of my coughs in any more. Turns out it was 20 minutes.
But in that 20 minutes I feel like I accomplished a lot. I knelt a little to pray, I read a chapter of my “Holy Hour” book, and I sat and wrote loads of thoughts. I love Adoration for the focus it gives me and it feels like I have so many good thoughts as I focus on God and contemplate various things about God, life, Jesus’ love, etc. I am grateful that I have so many of these brief thoughts written down so that they continue to exist beyond the moment. …I even spent some time reflecting on that very sentiment. In terms of how I tend to do Adoration it was a bit of an “Adoration Express” where I got in all my favorite parts. (Because the silently-sitting-and-existing portion sort of always gets co-opted by my writing-stuff-down portion.)
It was delightful. It was filling. It was a spiritual comfort and peace. I enjoyed it for what it was.
Not even 1.5 hours later I spent a different 20 minutes with a completely different experience.
After Adoration I went home and cleaned out my car, I swung by the ATM, I got a quick grocery shopping trip in and then I went to pick up Mabel from school. I arrived 10 minutes late on purpose – trying to time it right so that I hit the end of the car line and didn’t have to wait too long.
Man did I misjudge it. Sometimes the line finishes by 11:45. But for some reason today it lasted until Noon! That means I spent 20 minutes in my car just slowly inching up the driveway car line to Mabel.
Now sometimes I have packed a book and have fit a nice read in to the wait. But most times I just pick up my phone and putz around finding stupid things to occupy myself with as I wait. I hate that I do this. It is such a waste! But I am not someone who is capable of doing something fully meaningful if I have something else “hanging over my head”.
In that time I checked my email, looked at Instagram, and then looked at houses on Zillow that we will never buy. No, not even extravagant houses – like feasibly practical homes we could actually possibly move to …well, okay maybe not all of them since for some reason I keep looking at homes in West Virginia too and then at acres of land that I just want to own for no reason other than to own a large amount of land… (…With what money I would buy and then maintain this piece of earth I don’t know, but I guess I dare to dream…)
It was frustrating. I was frustrated.
Jump to 3 hours later….
Right before Mabel and I headed out the door to do Ruthie pick-up (and sit in car line again) I was struck with a thought. One of those “Wow I need to explore that” thoughts. I jotted down a quick note: “GGYY 20 minutes”
Obviously this post is that exploration.
Somehow this morning I was able to sit in Adoration for 20 minutes and find full peace. Objectively I was sitting “wasting time” and “doing nothing”.
Somehow this morning I took another 20 minutes of life and had a completely different experience. I sat in car line and found avoidance, waste, and frustration. Objectively I was sitting “wasting time” and “doing nothing”.
Both lasted for 20 minutes but how I lived those 20 minutes each time was as different as the night is from the day.
Adoration’s “wasted time” was subjectively full of activity –or at least proper inactivity.
Car line’s “wasted time” was subjectively truly wasted.
Perhaps one could argue the old adage: “It’s not how much time you have that matters. It’s what you do with the time you have that matters.”
Sayings are sayings for good reason, I guess. But, at least for me, the “where” really matters, too.
Think you can have a relationship with God without Church? I’m sure you could. But how much more filling and complete and “proper” would it be if you made sure to make sure you lived life with the equation of You + God + Church?
For me this is like comparing 20 Adoration Minutes to 20 Life Minutes. Objectively 20 minutes is 20 minutes. But when I am in Adoration I am really fully living those 20 minutes. I am physically accomplishing about the same I accomplish while on my phone in car line, but spiritually I am worlds away.
I would love to get past my mental barriers and be capable of full-on “super prayer” any time, anywhere. I would love to be able to sit in carline and fully engage with life. But until that day comes I am so grateful to have Church to go to so that I can let myself live my “wasted time” so meaningfully.
(Apologies… There were several directions I ended up taking without possibly resolving any one idea… My phone that was across the room buzzed and distracted me [I ignored it but the damage was already done] and then I got tired because it was late (PS. I then looked at a clock and realized that it just “feels late” rather than actually being late) and my husband starting listening to stuff on his phone which also broke my concentration. … Hmm is it any wonder why I love Adoration? Except for people occasionally sitting in there and sniffling and coughing (and audibly turning pages) it is the perfect place for supreme silence, concentration, and relaxation without the possibility of [external] distraction.)
